What happens when those Tortallans get Drunk?
by Queen of Crimson
Summary: title is pretty explanatory..what happens when some of our favourite Tortallans get drunk one night...sometimes after they have stopped drinking, sometimes while they are drinking and sometimes they get to have the killer headaches. hehehe.
1. A Night of Fun for Myles

Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters, the lands or anything else, except maybe some chocolate. Hehehe.

What happens when our favourite Tortallan Characters get drunk?

A small passage when Myles is trying to get back to his rooms after a night of drinking.

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"What do you think you are doing, Sir?" the guard placed a hand on Myles shoulder; Myles turned and looked deeply into the young guards eyes.

"I am here to be with you. I have travelled a long time to feel your embrace, to see you with your hands caressing my body, to look upon your scantily clad body." Myles shocked the guard when he fell into his embrace and lovingly kissed him.

The guard, completely surprised let Myles kiss him for a few moments before his senses returned. He immediately broke away from the Baron and stepped a few steps away.

"Look, Sir. As much as you are a respected member of court, I don't think I can let you talk this way to me." Myles laughed at this before slurring:

"Oh. Come on now man. We both know that you've had a crush on me since you were younger. One little night won't hurt you. After all, ill pay you a thousand crowns." Myles was looking a little bit hopeful but as soon as the guard sternly said no, his face fell. Unfortunately, Myles eyes gained a little spark as he came up with an idea.

"Well, I spose your entitled to your own opinions. But, good sir, you must come have a drink with me. I shall by greatly offended if you don't." Myles kept pleadingly slurring until the guard gave in.

"Good-ohh-ohh-hhhh. This way then, follow me, free drink this way." Myles once again slurred on his words as he lead the thirstily guard to the tavern.

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A few hours later Myles woke up on his bed. This would have been completely normal except a man was tangled up in his sheets. "Ohh-ohhh," Thought Myles. "What did I do last night, and who is this man?"

As Myles tried to get up off the bed he accidentally woke up the man. He jumped out of bed upon seeing Myles and tried to put on his guards uniform to cover his parts.

"Who are you?" Myles asked the guard as he went and sat down by his liqueur cabinet.

"Oh. Sir, I think it's Bradley Beyer. What am I doing here?" Brad asked Myles as he himself started to feel a killer headache. Myles had taken out some of his favourite brandy and had poured himself a large wine glass of it.

"I can't really remember, I'm sorry Brad. If I remembered that happened I would tell you." Myles said between gulps of the grog.

"I better go then. Before I get into trouble." Brad made his way to the door. "By the way, may I please have some of that brandy"?"

Myles looked at his beloved brandy and reluctantly gave it to the young guard. Brad took a good gulp of the stuff and gave it back to Myles before mumbling to himself:

"Right, time to face the wife and kids."

(A/N- ok..so i got a little bit bored. its small- but i think that most of the chapters in this story are going to be that way. anyways- Review for me please...and even if you dont like it, and really want to let lose some flames- do so, because everyones opinion counts..btw- if anyone has any character that they want to see drunk- just tell me, or if you want to see someone do something, i can probably put it in somehow- maybe. :D )


	2. Jonathan Asks for forgiveness

Chapter 2 – Jonathan asks for forgiveness.

Jonathan dragged himself out of the palaces tavern. It was early morning and he and his friends had been drinking heavily all night. He somehow got his study door open and he half-fell inside the room. Groaning, he pulled himself upright before he stumbled towards his privet liqueur cabinet.

"Ahh. This is more like it." He mumbled to himself as he poured some brandy into his glass and started to drink it.

After a short time Jonathan tried to get up off the seat he had fallen into so that he could get a refill of the brandy.

After the glass was filled to the brim he went to sit down again but instead he stumbled towards the door, spilling some of his drink.

"Hmm. You know Jonathan." He started to speak to himself as he opened the door and lurched out the door. "I think that you should go and see if she has forgiven you yet, hows that sound?"

"Why, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I think we should. Maybe she will have calmed down. Twenty years is all two long to hold a grudge." Jonathan, being completely drunk now thought it was rather ingenious to answer back to the other part of himself.

Jonathan somehow got to the end of the corridor and then he turned towards the west wing of the palace.

As he was making his way there a couple of guards walking around on duty passed him.

"Your Majesty" said the first guard as he tipped his head as he walked past.

"May we be of any assistance, majesty?" asked the second guard as he tried to catch the stumbling king.

"No, No. I'm just dandy thank you. I'm going to go and get her to forgive me. Twenty years it's been. I so hope that she still loves me."

The guards looked at Jonathan and then let him be on his way, muttering about things one should never see.

Jonathan had finally reached the door that he wanted and fell on it. He brought a hand up to the door and knocked on it. No answer. Jonathan knocked again. Still no answer, there wasn't even a hustle of motion inside.

"Why isn't she answering?" Jonathan asked himself and as usual he answered himself back.

"Because maybe she hasn't forgiven you. You should knock again and if she still doesn't answer you should knock down her door."

Jonathan did what he told himself and after another couple of minutes he got out his flask and took a drink before he started to pound on the door.

Jonathan kept pounding on the door until it fell beneath his weight. He ended up falling face first into the room.

"Are you there? My sweet Delia of Eldorne." Jonathan mumbled before he passed out.

(A/N - sorry for taking so long. and im sorry this chapter is so short. i got caught up with a few things, and my sister decided to get me addicted to the sims2 again..lolz. so now i play pets. lolz. ill try to get the next chapter up soon, it will be Numair, by request. if there are any characters you want me to do just send in a request when you review (as you should) and ill see.

and you know the drill.. REVIEW...and get chocolates.)


	3. Numair and his Not so Secret Secret

Numair and His not so secret secret...

Nuamir took another drink out of the bottle of expensive wine whilst watching his daughter sleep on the bed in front of him. She was so adorable lying there peacefully with a lock of dark brown hair covering her forehead. Numair reached out and carefully pulled the covers over her shoulders before sweeping the lock of hair away from her face.

Numair smiled before he quietly walked out of his daughter's room.

He walked out of the suit of rooms he shared with his family at the palace in Corus; he let his feet lead him out of the palace and into the streets. As he entered the Dancing Dove he was greeted with much cheer from the already drunk patrons.

As he took his seat the innkeepers' daughter walked over with a pint of mead for him. Numair in his drunken state patted the seat next to him in an indication that she should sit next to him.

"I'm Merrill. But most of my friends call me Merri." She told the now extremely drunk Numair as she sat down on his lap. Numair was slightly surprised at the weight now atop of him.

"Well. Merri," Numairs words were being slurred and Merri had to concentrate to understand them. "I think you're a very pretty young lass."

Merri merely smiled and looked down. She had platinum blond hair that feel to her waist and sparkling blue eyes. Her figure was slim and it was not surprising that all the city men were after her.

"Thank you, sir." She managed to say before Numair interrupted her. "You know. You remind me of an old friend of mine. Her name was Varse. I haven't seen her in such a long time. She was as beautiful as you too. How I wish I could see her again. And to smell her would be heaven." Numair continued to ramble on about Varse until Merri had had enough. She tried to hush him but when that didn't work she gave him a small kiss on the lips and told him. "Why don't you pretend I'm this Varse? Just for the night."

Numair looked at her in his very, very, very drunken state and managed to slurr out "But you are my Varse, and sometimes I wish I never left you."

Merri quickly got up off Numairs lap and let him to the best room in the small tavern. He followed easily enough, with her help and soon the two were partaking in morally wrong exercises, considering he had momentarily forgotten he had a wife.

The next morning Numair woke to find himself in bed with a killer headache and a naked woman snuggling up next to him. Sure she was beautiful but his cloudy mind reminded him that his wife and child were at the castle.

Numair shot out of the double bed and hurriedly tried to put his clothes on before he left the tavern and rushed back to his suit of rooms at the castle.

As soon as he got there he spotted Daine glaring daggers at him.

"Oh ohhh." He muttered under his breath and she rapidly walked towards him. She looked at him and it was at this time that Numair thought that if looks could kill, he would be dead and buried already.

Daine didn't even talk to him; instead all she did was punch him in the nose before stalking off in a huff.

Numair felt his nose and was glad to find there wasn't any blood but he looked down when he felt someone pulling at his pants leg.

"It's ok Pa." He saw his little daughter tell him. "Ma may be mad at you but I still love you."

A/N – I'm very sorry for the loooooooooooong wait before this chapter got out, but hopefully if I don't get another batch of writers block to my Tortallen friends then there'll be more updates. I've also asked my friend if she would help me continue writing so hopefully I'll have her answer soon.

This chapter isn't very funny nor long but not every characters escapades of being drunk are humorous. Hopefully I don't get too many flames from the a) upset readers of this fic who are mad as hell at me for not updating and b) those Daine/Numair shippers.

Well, until such a time as I actually review again. Sorry for any mistakes you spot in this fic and just as an added disclaimer: these characters are NOT mine. They belong to the rabbit eating cheese stick currently watching "Bring it On" in my room, why its there you ask: because it decided to steal my copy of the movie I threw away a long time ago. But seriously- it all belongs to Tamora. Cheers.


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